morristibbs:

IF SOMEONE IS SCARED OF SPIDERS OR BUGS DONT FUCKING PICK ONE UP AND WALK TOWARDS THEM WITH IT YOU ARENT FUCKING FUNNY YOU’RE A GODDAMN ASSHOLE

aradiamegidoo:

i think ur singing them wrong

mskneesocks:

you’re the only one who understands me google

(Source: idreamofjimmy)

Megan Mullally, Jenny Slate, Bill Hader, Max Greenfield, Ben Schwartz, Nick Offerman, Will Forte, Fred Armisen, Aziz Ansari, Wendy Schaal, Sarah Silverman, and Ken Jeong in Bob’s Burgers [FOX].

(Source: robstv)

hotstriderbutt:

brodave:

malformalady:

Tree struck by lightning caused the bark to explode, effectively stripping the tree

nothing gets me hotter than a good old strip treese

r u kidding me

iamonlykidding:

bardofcheese:

The most unsettling soap I’ve ever seen

I want to rub it all over my nethers.

megaman2:

megaman2:

“mickey mouse it says you want to divorce minnie because she was…… extremely silly?”

“no, i said she was fucking goofy”

please stop reblogging this i stole this joke from my brother

sarlaccvagina:

petition for Avengers 2 to end on a freeze-frame like this

best-of-funny:

stupicl:

FACEBOOK STATUSES WHEN YOU WERE 11

X

shadowrawrs:

strawberrydaydreams:

do you ever hate someone so much but you don’t even have a valid reason

you’re just like

no

And then they give you a reason and its like

floralprintprouvaire:

involvingmeinvolvingyou:

If you wanna be my lover

You’ve gotta throw huge parties to get my attention and get your neighbor to invite me over for tea then let me run over my husband’s mistress in your car 

(Source: venomoth-balls)

whovianletthedaleksout:

bealli62:

imsome-thingelse:

xpsychohogx:

unimportant:

earth science?

Holy shit it’s a dragon scale.

Black opal. These are beautiful.

no it’s a dragon scale

satans-fabulous-blog:

morphingly:

brightredkettle:

are you the SAT because i’d do you for 3 hours and 45 minutes

with a ten minute break halfway through for snacks

That’s the most reasonable pick up line I’ve ever heard. You’re hired.

troybakers:

hey u kids wanna buy some drugs

(Source: malkavianbaker)